Friday, September 25, 2009


Everyone is denying responsibility for my problem.

The gynecologist said she hasn't been treating me for vulvodynia so I can't get a note from her to keep my health insurance while withdrawing from school. She told me to call the dermatologist since they've treated me more recently.

The dermatologist said they only saw me briefly and that the gynecologist should write the note since she's been treating me all this time. Or my general practitioner could write one, but as I don't have one he or she can't.

I haven't asked for a note from the school's health center, which functions as my GP, because they haven't treated me for ANYTHING and have only given me referrals to see the other people.

I called the counseling center for the note but they (rather, the single "he" I spoke with) won't write me one because they don't comprehend what it's for even after my endeavoring explanations. They are also a bureaucratic hedge.

I won't see a psychiatrist for a few weeks. I might actually get one out of them.

I haven't tried the school's disability center yet because I'm afraid that I will get the same bureaucratic Marco Polo I got from the counseling center. My limited contact with them has not been awesome.

The urologist looks up my peepee, doesn't see anything, and tells me my pain's out of his realm.

The vulvodynia specialist offers pain treatments only and doesn't want to consider an exo-vulvar cause. Doesn't even consider symptoms outside the vestibule.

My original (and now ex-) gynecologist denies that my pained vulva is her concern.

Apparently there is no doctor who looks at the urethra AND the vulva and considers them as, oh, I don't know, connected.

Meanwhile...yep, still in pain! Thanks fellas!


  1. Oh, of course you'll get a note from the shrink. This is all in your head, sweetie. Women don't have real medical problems. They have hysteria. Why they dropped this diagnosis, I will never understand.
    A woman could never have a problem that can't be detected wirth a little bloodwork or a bit of swabbing.

    Science has come too far for that.

    Take a day off work, put your feet up, drink a cup of tea and you'll be fine.

    Or maybe the problem is that you don't have children. Naybe if you can find a man everything will be okay.

    Now lie down and rest. It must have been awfully hard for you to type all that in one sitting...

  2. And then there are those people who will say, "you have to take responsibility for your illness."

    And I am like, okay... How do I do that? What does that mean? Am I supposed to blame myself for developing this in the first place? Why would I do that; I did everything I was 'supposed' to do & it's not like anybody warned me ahead of time.

    So anyway, I go, try to 'take responsibility' by doing what I'm 'supposed' to - go to doctors (who often don't know what their doing,) direct my treatment, see what happens.

    So what if it doesn't work? Like, dude I tried that already.

    Oh but then someone will be all snobby and say something like "well u didn't do it right," because you didn't try this, that, or the other.

    For me since I did some pretty invasive treatments, I am getting so fed up with hearing about how I've 'mutilated' my body instead of doing 'better/more natural' things first. Even though that's not true; I did try alternative meds first. Stop demonizing me & my good doctors. Like you care about me anyway, feigning concern.

    But then it's like,
    okay I am trying to be responsible. And I either get flak for it or else blocked by doctors, in your case.

    So what now? What do you do when you try and you can't win?