Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I'm just miserable and I wish some doctor had cared to improve the quality of my life.

I feel really shafted.

It hurts to move my legs even a little. Or turn my torso or my head. This happens every other day or so. Any kind of movement and pinch, pinch, pinch.

On top of the burning.


I keep trying to think strategically. I will get the MRI to rule out visible internal problems and then I will see another urologist and demand to be diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. (Or something.) There are drugs for IC, and there is a diet, and yes, it really hurts when my cat steps on my bladder even though I couldn't tell if it hurt more when the doc poked it through my vaginal wall because the vulvar pain brought on by his careless fingers was so excruciating. I have weird discomfort and pain across the front of my bladder (basically my mound) when I eat the wrong things, though I don't always know what they'll be. All my pain seems to be centered around my urethra, and that's where it pinch, pinch, pinches when I move.

I am going crazy.

And I know the pain is turning into a sort of constant trauma, or has already gotten there, and that sucks.

My mood is improving though even though I'm only writing this so I can settle down and go to sleep. I holed up in my bedroom as much as possible and tried to keep the stimulation to a minimum so my brain had a chance to settle down. Tried to keep thoughts out of my head if possible. I need some mood meds but I think I'm steady enough to go to work even if it means coming home and holing up.

I need cat food.

It hurts to turn to find my cat, hurts to laugh or cry, and I don't see how anyone is supposed to live this way. And I don't understand why no doctor has cared to help me get a better quality of life. Is it MY failure? Did I not make my case clear enough? This is insanity.

1 comment:

  1. You haven't failed. You've done so much more than most patients to understand your condition and find treatment.

    Honestly, I think it's the field of medicine in general that has failed you. Lady crotch problems don't sell. They aren't sexy or interesting. Why would a doctor or scientist want to focus their time on vaginal pain when he could create a pill that gives a man a lasting boner?

    There just isn't enough interest and there isn't enough research. We haven't come to far from, "it's just a woman thing" or even worse, "it's all in your head."

    We have a long way to go, but what you do with your blog and with your own personal research is definitely making a difference.