I feel really shafted.
It hurts to move my legs even a little. Or turn my torso or my head. This happens every other day or so. Any kind of movement and pinch, pinch, pinch.
On top of the burning.
I keep trying to think strategically. I will get the MRI to rule out visible internal problems and then I will see another urologist and demand to be diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. (Or something.) There are drugs for IC, and there is a diet, and yes, it really hurts when my cat steps on my bladder even though I couldn't tell if it hurt more when the doc poked it through my vaginal wall because the vulvar pain brought on by his careless fingers was so excruciating. I have weird discomfort and pain across the front of my bladder (basically my mound) when I eat the wrong things, though I don't always know what they'll be. All my pain seems to be centered around my urethra, and that's where it pinch, pinch, pinches when I move.
I am going crazy.
And I know the pain is turning into a sort of constant trauma, or has already gotten there, and that sucks.
My mood is improving though even though I'm only writing this so I can settle down and go to sleep. I holed up in my bedroom as much as possible and tried to keep the stimulation to a minimum so my brain had a chance to settle down. Tried to keep thoughts out of my head if possible. I need some mood meds but I think I'm steady enough to go to work even if it means coming home and holing up.
I need cat food.
It hurts to turn to find my cat, hurts to laugh or cry, and I don't see how anyone is supposed to live this way. And I don't understand why no doctor has cared to help me get a better quality of life. Is it MY failure? Did I not make my case clear enough? This is insanity.