Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Skinny? Try the Wate-On Solution!

I WOULD like a super-condensed food tablet...food of the future!

Here is Scarlett fretting over her 20-inch waist

So of course I got out my own tape measure. My waist is normal for me (add several inches to 20) but my butt is down 1.5" from my normal. Not my butt! Precious, precious butt!!!

Well that frustrates me...but I'll think about it tomorrow. And from now on, to anyone who comments on my weight, I'm half Kenyan Marathoner.

P.S. I put those two weight-related posts back up, the ones I mentioned I had taken down. They may be crabby but a number of you have written that you have the exact same issue, so I figure I might as well leave then up for camaraderie.

P.P.S. Oh Scarlett, will you stop obsessing about Ashley already! You don't love him! You only want him because you can't get him and your whole goddamn life revolves around being able to manipulate people and when you find that you can't manipulate someone you obsess over him. That's why you're going back to Tara -- to find a way to win Rhett back even though you'll be like a well- fed cat with a lame mouse when you do, swatting at him half-heartedly, bored. I hate you because I'm afraid I'm like you, out of touch with happiness.

I think I am developing a complex about my weight

I have written a lot about my weight lately. And then I took down the two most recent posts about my weight because they seemed too negative.

But after everyone and my psychiatrist telling me I am sooo skinny, I have become obsessed with whether I'm too thin.

My friends posted a few group photos on Facebook recently, and I look at them and think, yeah, that's a twig. Of course, it doesn't help that you're standing next to the pregnant girl, but look: there's no evidence of boobs. Your arms are freakish. You look sickly. Do you have any shape at all? And you're so pale. Look at your calves! And then I start measuring everyone else's calves against mine...

THIS IS WHY IT'S NOT OKAY TO REMARK ON SOMEONE'S WEIGHT even if you're telling her she's skinny and you think it's okay to say so because society prizes skinny even though you don't want to admit it.

Because I NEVER had body-image problems before the barrage of skinny comments I got over the past year and a half. I lost weight due to stress and heard about it left and right -- and then I regained it, but ever since then I've been worrying -- did I gain enough back? People are still saying I'm skinny -- do I look gross? Am I unattractive?

I've been skinny all my life but I always loved what I had. Small boobs were "portable," and I loved my butt. I still love looking at my hourglass shadow. So I think I still love my body in that way, but now I'm overly aware of what it might look like from the outside.

And I worry about eating enough. Horrible problem! people say, not being able to eat enough. Another double-standard comment -- if I were an overeater, you wouldn't taunt me about it to my face.

I feel obligated to cram crap in. One of the posts I took down was about how I downloaded a calorie-counting app and set a goal to gain, I don't know, 10 pounds, but I ended up deleting the app because my body simply doesn't want to eat that volume of food every day. It was a chore.

If I could cram in milkshakes and still feel good, I would do it, but sugar is one of my main pain triggers. Of all the things in my life that revolve around my vag, food is probably #1.

I'm not concerned about my health. Esther strong. But those pictures will follow me around for a while. And I'll probably start designing ways to shovel it in again. I need some Weight Gain 4000. (South Park reference. I'm the one who's gonna be on TV, looking all buff.)

Thursday, August 2, 2012

You think you can get away with it

Green tea is a big no-no for interstitial cystitis.

I don't care about diets anymore. After years of chasing the perfect diet, it became too frustrating emotionally. So I eat things that are on the no-no lists.


You CAN'T get away with it!


I'm hoping experiences like this will guide my future doctor-slash-savior whom I will find one day, oh yes I will, and get some help that helps.

*I originally wrote that green tea is also a no-no for the low-oxalate diet.  In fact, it's a yes-yes.  A yes-yes-yes, like safe.  Black tea is a no-no.

I don't know about WHITE tea.  All these COLORED TEAS.  Now I found another website that says all colored teas are moderate oxalate (PDF).  This is why I gave up on the low-oxalate diet.