Saturday, September 12, 2009

Hallelujah, Manic Depression

Can I get a HELLS YEAH for bipolar disorder...

Not to shove my every-several-days moods into the faces of those who are more consistently depressed...I've been there too, several months across, and it is unquantifiably hard.

But after a bout of severe -- dangerously severe, to be honest -- depression, I am back on the higher side, hypomanic (sub-manic) and thinking everything is fabulous.

No, the pain isn't fabulous, but in this state I'm much better at ignoring it. Things are funnier, people much more interesting, and me, I'm taken with the moment. My, what a fabulous moment! What a fabulous, fabulously funny moment. And these moments started happening overnight.

This is the only thing that keeps me going -- that I oscillate like this, up after down. I do not know how I'd make it THAT depressed day after day. My heart, my everything goes out to those women, those people who live that way. I can't get ahead in life because I'm always a different person, but how much better to be saved by your own moods time and again than to be drowned by their constancy.

So I wanted to say: the thing the doctor gave me was not Elidel but Protopic, aka tacrolimus, aka "WARNING: Patients have benefited from tacrolimus when it is used correctly. Long-term safety for this drug is not known at this time. There have been rare reports of cancers (e.g. skin cancer, lymphoma) in patients [uhm, I typed patience] using tacrolimus. It is not known whether tacrolimus caused these cancers when used on the skin. Further studies to determine the long-term safety of this product are ongoing. In the unlikely event that unusual lumps, swollen glands, or growths (especially on the skin) occur, contact your doctor immediately. The US Food and Drug Administration recommends the following: This drug should be used only if other drugs have failed or if other medications are not considered appropriate by your doctor" etc., etc., etc.



NOT like I've tried so many other treatments...AND this is an ECZEMA treatment, and let me tell you doctor, MY COOCH DOES NOT ITCH....

What's a few applications? But I haven't tried it yet. In part because of how my pain elevated with the steroids -- NO REPEAT, PLEASE -- and in part because, uhm, lumps, growths, these things do not sound good when phrased with cooch.

Maybe one of these days. Maybe not.

If I thought it would work, it'd be a different story.

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