Saturday, May 2, 2009

KY, Frogs, and Pot

You know those KY commercials with the two different kinds of lube that combined make people's genitals explode with pleasure?  First of all, a pleasure-enhancing lube is without a doubt a terrorizing lube if you have coochie pain.  But secondly, every time I see that commercial I can only think "yeast infection."

Why do people treat their bodies so crappily?  It is a sick accident of our resilience that we can tolerate the things we do, the ten Diet Cokes a day, the weird chemicals on our skin, the douching, the -- god, I never thought I'd say it -- THE BACON.  We're the frogs of the polluted pond who manage to hop around on five legs.  Biology is a freaking miracle.

Vulvodynia makes me want to run away into the bushes, the ones without the plastic bags trapped among the leaves.  It makes me want to dump myself into the purest forest in the world and let nature bathe me in her rightness.  I often wonder if cavewomen had vulvodynia, if present-day tribal women get it.  Is there a wrongness here in this world that my crotch just can't stand?

My pain is so bad these days.  It feels like someone lacerated my skin with papercuts and then squeezed a lemon over it.  My period approaches. has a good overview of hormones and IC.  I believe vulvodynia and IC can have the same origin even if the person only has one or the other.

My dad thinks the commenter who wrote I should smoke up to treat my pain is right.  I don't know, still sounds like being in a coma to me.  If my pain ever went away, ever, if it came in cycles and I just had to be high for the cycle to treat the pain, maybe.  But the pain is there all day long, and I don't understand what pot would do for me in that case.

It's illegal in my state anyway.  But maybe not forever.  If it passes, maybe I will become a grower.


  1. To answer one question, Yes, it is likely that prehistoric women did occasionally develop vulvodynia.

    I say this based on 1 study I read about was either ancient Greek or ancient Rome... (it's been awhile since I saw it.)

    Satyriasis - the antiquity term for vulvodynia?Satyriasis was the term used for people who were always touching themselves, hypersexual. The thing is, if you're anything like me, you might also be constantly checking on your vulva to see what it's doing. Especially if it's bothering you at that moment in time. Itching, burning, stinging, redness... you know how it is.

    So the authors think that, for some of these women who were being labeled as having satyarasis, they probably actually had vulvodynia & were trying to relieve the pain & discomfort. To other people, it looked like their behavior was sexual when in reality it was much more unhappy.

    Now what kind of treatment those women had available in the Olde Days, well... I have no idea but I'm kind of glad I wasn't born then.

  2. Oh, I'm always holding my crotch! At home, alone :) Pressure in the right place can alleviate the pain, especially when I'm moving around.

    That's a pretty interesting assertion. God I feel awful for those women. Plus to be in a society where you don't have as much control over when/how you have sex... And to think that that might be happening in other places in the world right now! I want to save all the coochies from pain!!!

    Thanks for sharing that info.

  3. Like Morphine and methadone, pot doesn't stop your pain, it makes you not care about the pain.

    I tried methadone for a while and it made me feel so messed up and the worst part was it kept me awake. When I'm in a lot of pain, I just want to relax and pass out.

    Given the choice, I might try pot for pain. Why not? The important thing is to find tools that help you manage your pain. If pot works, light it up and pass it on!

  4. Yeah, so it'd be like a waking coma. A temporary one. I could use that sometimes, I'm sure, but then I wouldn't be able to do anything else.

    But maybe I don't want to do anything else. Hmm.

  5. Ahem, it is possible to be functional and consume pot. Let me out myself by saying that although I don't have a card (and you can get them in Oregon, but not for what I use it on) I find that my use of marijuana these days isn't really for recreation. It calms my anxiety immensely. But it also is effective for cramps and stomach angst. I know people who have chronic pain that say it really helps, and more than opiates. I think it is somewhat subjective.
    Even if it didn't alleviate your pain, at the end of the day, if it let you relax and get some sleep, would that be so horrible?

  6. Rian, I've only smoked up once, so I'm going by what others say...but hey, look at the Dude. He functioned :)

    I'm thinking I'm turning into the Dude. My car keeps getting abused and all I want to do is smoke pot. Bowling's not so bad either.

  7. Alright, all your comment threads are hilarious.

    I'm oddly allergic to pot (like throat-closing, itchy allergic) so I can't help out there. I think I might ask a psychiatrist about using anti-anxiety drugs to deal with spasms though. The pain flares have a lot to do with how stressed or anxious or tense I am, so I'm thinking that might be worth a shot. The tri-cyclic antidepressant route didn't do anything but make me sleepy, though.

  8. These comments seem pretty off base:

    "Like Morphine and methadone, pot doesn't stop your pain, it makes you not care about the pain."

    "Yeah, so it'd be like a waking coma. A temporary one. I could use that sometimes, I'm sure, but then I wouldn't be able to do anything else."

    Pot is NOTHING like morphine and methadone. It may make you dopey - and in HUGE quantities I can see it putting you in a "waking coma" - but it doesn't blunt your existence or make you insensitive to experience, especially when used in moderation.

    It HAS been shown to alleviate pain in some studies. Other pros: anxiety relief (for many people, not all), not physically addictive, can help with certain types of focus (I'm VERY good at board games and at counting cards while high, but don't ask me to do a derivative or write anything coherent).

    Cons: it s-l-o-w-s down certain abstract though processes, it's illegal, some people don't like how it makes them feel, excessive use can mess up your non-high focus and motivation (at least until you stop smoking for a few days).

    It really does nothing for some people, and has a bad effect on others, but it might be worth a second try if you have an opportunity in a safe environment around trustworthy people. It's not going to ruin your life or change your personality. If you really don't get anything out of it you've got one more thing to cross off your list.

  9. traveltothesky, sounds like anti-anxiety meds might work for you. I haven't been on them since the vvd started. Strange that I can't strongly recommend them -- don't know that they did much for me -- but I know others who've really benefited from them.

    Courtney, when I said "waking coma" I was referring, roundaboutly, to an earlier post where I said something about pain is hard like life is hard, and when life is hard I don't just dump myself in a coma. Unless the pain is unbearable, I'm not interested in just numbing the pain.