My crotch feels like...
- Someone attached a brilo pad to the end of a drill and started scrubbing my vulva
- Someone is trying to saw me in half with a hand saw
- Someone replaced my dildo with a cactus
- I'm peeing a pipe cleaner
- I rug-burned my rug
- I salted my vajayjay and then took it suntanning
- I mistook my coochie for an oven mitt
- I took a sitz bath in salsa
The last one is my favorite! I'll try to come up with something of that caliber.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're in so much pain. I'm sending soothing vibes. I hope you can find some relief.
So when I was reading your list of how your vagina feels, my first thought for me was:
ReplyDelete"Someone replaced my dildo with a cactus," and then I saw you wrote it. I'll try to think of others.
I'm sorry your pain is so bad right now. I hope something will take the pain away for you, at least for a little while. I'm sending good feelings to you!
Hey, so I was going to google something and I thought I had copied the phrase, so I just pasted and thought, now THAT doesn't look right...
ReplyDeleteI nearly searched: "Someone replaced my dildo with a cactus".
That would have been interesting.
OMG, if I were still dating someone that liked to start metal bands for fun, Razor Blade Cock would absolutely be in the queue for the next great band name!
ReplyDeleteI've been using the papercut analogy all weekend! These other ones are classic!
ReplyDeleteMy standby is that "someone has my left lip in one of those bitey staple removers"
Hahahaa, you guys crack me up!!! So glad you liked them! Thanks for all the soothing vibes. I'm sending them back!
ReplyDeleteOh, AK, no, I don't do physical therapy. I haven't even researched it in my town. Mostly because it's not one of those standard things and my insurance company sucks and I need referrals from the university's health center and etc... Also, the thought of it is horrid and I'm a scaredy cat.
ReplyDeleteToday it feels...
ReplyDeleteWell my vulva feels okay but those pelvic muscles nearby the sitz bone are acting up. I think they're acting up because I'm having my period... my uterus is contracting & it's bothering the rest of the muscles, I think...
So today it feels like I am Sitting On A Rock.
When it was worse I said to my chiropractor, "It feels like I'm sitting on two eggs under my pelvis."