Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Food & Sex

So we're on this planet to have SEX, ultimately. You may believe in a god and think that we're here for some further, beyond-death purpose; that's fine. But we know for sure that every individual of every species exists as an attempt to extend the species' existence.

I can't have sex.

And we have sex by using stores of energy. We get that energy from food and sleep.

I can sleep, TYJ. (Thank You Jesus.)

But food -- sometimes my diet makes me want to move to Alaska, as if by running away physically I can escape these ridiculous constraints on what I can eat.

Yes, I've put those constraints there myself. Because when I was eating gluten I was achy and fatigued and my crotch raged. Because corn makes me nauseous. Because sugar disturbs, let's say, the various ways my body purges things. And because other tasty foods like orange juice and tomatoes and spices cause a flare in my pain.

I choose what I eat, but my experience has convinced me that eating those foods I avoid isn't worth it.

But sometimes I just want to eat them! And sometimes I do and then I pay for it. Except gluten. Gluten I treat like it's the Bubonic plague.

Now I've deduced that eating too little meat makes my pain worse. Too little meat! Three times I've noticed this -- the month or so I spent intentionally vegan, the last week or so when I felt like being vegan randomly, and the three days I spent eating only rice because my juicer broke (seriously. I was so heartbroken that I decided to go on an extreme elimination diet. One aspect of my pain settled down while another aspect of it got worse).

Whether it's the protein or the vitamins or the fat in meat, I don't know, but it seems when I eat too little of it, my urethra gets a whole lot pinchier.

Yesterday I ended my random vegan stint when I acknowledged that my pain was getting worse. I ended it with a can of tuna and woke up with a much less pinchy urethra.


So often I say "I give up," meaning "I'm not going to try to solve my pain anymore." But do I ever stop? No. And I don't know why or how I keep going. None of it makes any sense. I know that even if I took all my observations to a big giant mega convergence of the best minds in a range of medical disciplines, I'd get a dozen different reasons why doing this does this to my body.

I'm adding supplements now to see what they do. I did a lot of digging about supplements for interstitial cystitis as well as vulvodynia, and I'll post about them when I'm feeling more organized.

At least I can sleep. TYJ.


  1. I woke up about two or three months ago and realized that I was replacing sex with food, and it wasn't doing any good to my waistline or my pain levels.

    I feel you on the diet thing. I've tried a few, but end up getting frustrated, or I run out of time/groceries and just eating whatever and end up paying for it later.

    I'm smack in the middle of a flare now, and it's killing me. I know it is because of the way I'm eating the past few days (plus hormonal cycles, plus stress, plus who knows what else), so I'm trying to tighten up again.

    It's no fun. I have nothing to say on the subject that you aren't feeling or don't already know, but I wanted to say that I hear you, sister.

  2. Thanks Lora :) It's so much better knowing others understand.

  3. Your food problems sound awful. I'm just dealing with minor restrictions linked to heartburn - compared to you, fewer restrictions, less pain - and it's a challenge. I can't stop thinking about the things I can't have and the pleasure I used to take from them. And any time I think I might even maybe possibly have minor heartburn I freak out, because I remember how bad it could possibly get.

  4. Aw, Courtney! I know how it goes. I'm trying to focus on abundance lately so I don't feel deprived. I walk down the grocery-store aisles chanting "bounty, bounty" every time I spot something I'd love to eat.