Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Throwing out condoms

I had a box of condoms expiring in December 2010.  I'd bought them in October 2006, the same month my vulvodynia had started.  I'd bought them to have sex with the guy who -- I could say -- caused my vulvodynia.

But I won't say that.  My vulvodynia is probably actually pudendal neuralgia, or entrapment of a nerve that is supposed to be fun.  It could be an injury.  I fell on my butt a ton as a middle-school ice skater.  Maybe it was that and not the guy.

It was now October 2010, four years after my vulvodynia had started.  For eight months, I had managed to have a regular sex life with the first guy I had dated seriously since October 2006.  He had been living at my place.  Now I had pulled these condoms out of a tumble of clothes in my dresser because I was packing up to move into our new place.  And I was going to throw the condoms away.

But first I had to see if they were expired.  December 2010 -- I had succeeded.  I had had sex before then.  After the October 2006 guy dumped me with a "maybe later," I thought I would never use a condom again.

So I tossed the condoms.  I tossed some other things too.  Thong things.  The British one, the angel one, the one that was clearly made to stick out of the wearer's pants.  Those were other things I was sure I was never going to use again.

Two months after I tossed out the condoms, my boyfriend tossed me out of our new place.  Or I tossed myself out.  I had been sitting on the toilet in pain.  He was in bed.  I came to bed crying.  He asked, "What do you want me to do?"

"I just need a hug," I said.

"I can't deal with you being sick like this."

"Well, maybe you should find a girlfriend who isn't sick."

BANG, his fist on the headboard.  He jumped out of bed, went into the bathroom, threw shut the door, threw it open.  I jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs.  I wanted to drive away but I didn't have any clothes on.

He screamed down the stairs at me and got back into bed.  I went back upstairs and screamed at him.

"You just broke us up!" I said.

He said nothing.

I almost packed up the cat and left.  Then I did.  Then I unpacked her and lay on the edge of the bed touching my boyfriend's back.  I think I fell asleep.

The next day, December 14, 2010 -- had the condoms expired? -- I moved out.


= = =

Another week, another post for Yeah Write's challenge.  Click to read more posts and vote for your favorites!  Voting runs all day Thursday 2/8.

41 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I'm sorry. It is sad. If it hurts too much, know that he and I tried a while longer after I moved out, and that even as more serious issues piled up, our relationship's ultimate annihilator was kitty litter.

      Delete
  2. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I guess it's better that someone so selfish and insensitive left your life, though I'm sure that didn't make it any easier to go through the breakup.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kathleen. It's a rough story, but I wanted to share it to point out how illness can make relationships suck and sometimes be a factor in ending them. This relationship would've ended anyway, but my chronic pain was a major wedge. (No thanks to his selfishness, of course!)

      Delete
  3. It's so hard when a partner feels helpless and doesn't know how to cope with a difficult situation. I hope you find relief! Also, thank you for spreading the word about vulvodynia. I'm sure it helps many who deal with it in private.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Kristin! Yes, I think my pain must've brought both of us down individually in different ways. I'm looking forward to finding a guy who will ride it out with me (and I'll do the same for him) :)

      Delete
  4. I'm so sorry -- I can tell that it was eventually a good thing that your relationship ended, but it feels terrible at the time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. It was, and it was hard, but that moment is one of those moments I look back on as part of my maturing process. Good has come of that moment, much more good than there is bad evident inside it.

      Delete
  5. That's heartbreaking. :( But I'm glad you threw them / him out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Larks. Yeah, knowing when something no longer serves its purpose...it's hard even with underwear!! Ha ha.

      Delete
  6. Wow! What a powerful story and piece of writing. I'm sorry you had to go through this shit, but glad that you wrote about it. Thanks for that.

    And, by the way, I love the word hoo-ha. . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Jared! You're welcome. I love it too. I love all euphemisms. There are so many that you can snicker through any conversation if you really want to.

      Delete
  7. if a man can't hug you when you're sick then he's no man at all. You should have saved the condoms though. Water balloons, my friend. Water balloons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right, Susannah. And about the water balloons -- right again. Dammit!

      Delete
  8. Sad yet empowering. You did the right thing, though it had to be heart wrenching.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Linda! It was, but apparently I can finally write about it, which is so good.

      Delete
  9. That kind of experience is so destructive. I'm glad you're done with him and I hope a patient, kind person is in your future.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The condoms and the relationship reached their expiration date. Glad you tossed them both out when you did!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Bettina has been handling these issues for years! Fancy a visit to Australia??

    Pain is bad enough without having to carry the load of a partner who just doesn't understand or can't support you. Bye bye!

    Stay strong...

    http://www.bettinaarndt.com.au/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How awesome that she's out there, if halfway around the globe. Thanks for sharing that link, and for stopping by! You too.

      Delete
  12. Excellent job of showing not telling that "breakin' up is hard to do."

    ReplyDelete
  13. Painful and heart wrenching. Also? I learned a new word, so we can add educational to the list.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yay education! Ha ha! Thanks for stopping by.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm glad you blog about this disease. Somewhere there are women (and men) out there, grateful that you are willing to put yourself out there and talk about how it affects your life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! It is such a good feeling to hear from those people and know I'm helping, even if just by letting them know they're not alone! Thank you.

      Delete
  16. Oh, my heart broke for you! I felt your turmoil. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the sympathy, Natalie. But I hate to break a heart vicariously, of course :)

      Delete
  17. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

    ReplyDelete
  18. How sad! I'm so sorry. I hope that you can find a someone more supportive (if that's what you want).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Stacie! I hope so too. Working on it... :)

      Delete
  19. This is a sad, beautifully written story. I hope that the future brings good things - for both your heart and your lady bits!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Stephanie! And I wish the same for everyone (even though it makes me feel like Tiny Tim).

      Delete
  20. This story was gut wrenching. I'm sorry you had to experience this and I know firsthand how these cancerous these conditions can be. As I've been battling brutal pudendal neuralgia pain, suffering for nearly 3 plus years and reading this makes me appreciate my boyfriend that much more for not having left me yet. I am totally bedridden, my life is over. I cry for a living now. Our sex life has been nonexistent since prior to the onset of this sick condition over 3 yrs ago.. He has stood by my side and has sadly been in this "broken state" with me and every day I fear this may be the last of us. I know we are holding onto a thread by I pray that God will help all of our lost souls find a cure to this miserable existence.

    ReplyDelete