Thursday, March 12, 2009


Dude, maybe it's just me, but living through multiple years of coochie pain pretty much devastates the feelings of respect, patience, and brotherly love you might've once felt towards men.

Historically, I always preferred guy friends to girl friends.  It's easier to communicate openly with a guy.  His ears don't amplify nuance until the nuance is the message.  Sometimes his ears don't even sense nuance, which is also fine.  It makes him easy, like a golden retriever.

But now all that lack of sensitivity makes men seem like drooling automatons.  And while we were loading food and children onto our backs, they went ahead and did things like make floors too slippery for high heels and sidewalk grates too wide for high heels.  But high heels, high heels, they make the world turn.

It's like, dudes.  If you're thinking about sex all day, and if that sex sometimes involves high heels, how can you not, when you're sitting there designing your grate or your floor, think about what happens when high heels march across it?  I mean, it's GOT to occur to you at some point.  Unless you have a thing for sneakers.

Don't tell me men aren't so simplistic.  Men are sex!  Oh blahblahbha, outliers.  Blhalbhalba, value as people.  Men are sex.  And I am sure it's the conflict of their single-mindedness and my coochie crucible that's made me start to hate their stupid little faces.

Like the Illinois Congressman TMZ reports as being hot.  Okay, where have my ovaries gone.  This guy has the physical charisma of a melted candle.  The only reason they're calling him hot is because he's younger than I am, not fat, and standing next to a bunch of people who've had time to shrink and wrinkle.

The past few days walking around school, I've felt my eyes shooting daggers into the faces of all the men I pass.  I have no idea what I look like doing it, but most of the men probably think I'm trying to seduce them.

Sorry, guys.  For the record, I usually only feel the man hate towards men I don't know.  Much easier to hate something that hasn't had a chance to redeem itself.  Not that it could if it did...

P.S. Dan, if you're reading this, I have awesome timing.

P.P.S. I still like gay men.


  1. I agree about the congressman....does nothing for me.

    Now, Jon Bon Jovi, that is another story ;)

  2. I totally agree with the whole high heels conspiracy! They want us to wear them, but cannot provide us with the proper condition in which to wear them. Ugh!

    I've given up, because the face I make when I wear uncomfortable shoes takes over any sexiness the shoes could have added.

  3. Kim, yeah, some men are still exempt... :)

    Hannah, lol!